https://www.elazarbloom.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/alex-iby-dNBcGcSGJlE-unsplash-scaled.jpg 2560 1707 Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT https://www.elazarbloom.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/logo-9-mar.png Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT2020-10-15 17:45:122020-10-15 17:45:12Stop Hitting Yourself
Most people I have discussed this with admit that they have a pretty healthy inner voice that can be critical, judgmental and sometimes downright abusive.
This voice developed very early as an adaptive strategy to a an unsettled environment. And life itself is unsettling. The more chaos there was in the environment, the greater the need for control and the stronger the voice.
Would you rather be suddenly punched by someone you love or punch yourself?
Most of us would choose the latter. We can brace ourselves, control the intensity of the punch and it also makes very clear what the issue is in a way that can be directly confronted. Much more manageable. Very adaptive strategy.
As a child, this survival strategy is not only useful but necessary.
And it is not true. Firstly, life is inherently unsettling. Period. And if the people around you are making it more unsettling, chaotic even? That sucks. You couldn’t do anything else then, but you can now. You can allow the adult chaos makers to take responsibility for it. They may be able to, or they may not. It’s not really important.
What’s really important is that you stop hitting yourself, or at least know when you are, and that it is no longer serving you.