Generated by All in One SEO v5.0.0.1, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. # ElazarBloom.com Clinical Methods and Ancient Wisdom ## Sitemaps - [XML Sitemap](https://www.elazarbloom.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website. ## Posts - [Blog](https://www.elazarbloom.com/blog-45/) - [The Courageous Couple that Seeks Support](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-courageous-couple-that-seeks-support/) - When a brave couple enters my office, after pleasantries, often the first thing that I ask is: “How do you folks feel about being here?” A common response I get is: “I can’t believe we are here..” There is a sense of shame and failure - “what’s wrong with us??” And - [Parental Presence in Turbulent Times](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parental-presence-in-turbulent-times/) - As the Jewish nation prepares themselves for the huge transition of entering into Israel, Hashem zooms out and describes their journey up until this point. He describes the good times and many of the difficult times. Hashem seems to recognize their need for reassurance as they meet this unprecedented transition of moving into a more - [Why Your Relationship Needs "Just Because"](https://www.elazarbloom.com/why-your-relationship-needs-just-because/) - The chok (from which our parsha gets its name) is generally explained to be a mitzvha that we do not understand. Examples include the kosher diet, the purification process of the red heifer (which is discussed in this week’s parsha) and not mixing wool and linen. Why do we do any of these things? Simply, - [The Need to Be Right](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-need-to-be-right/) - Although less intense than it was in the past, I find that I often want or (more accurately) NEED to be right. Those moments have body markers like a flushed face, discomfort in my gut and an elevated pulse. What I have come to understand (based on these body markers) is that this is more - [My Child, My Report Card](https://www.elazarbloom.com/my-child-my-report-card/) - In speaking with parents and more importantly, in being one myself, I think about pits that we all unintentionally fall into. I say, "fall into", because most parents are really, really doing their darndest and still often find themselves stuck, feeling incompetent and incapable. The pit most recently encountered is seeing my child as My - [Ghosted](https://www.elazarbloom.com/ghosted/) - I was recently supposed to do a podcast interview and the host did not show up at the agreed upon time. Shortly thereafter, I emailed to check in and see what was up and for a few days heard no response. During that time, I had no idea what had happened but my fear driven - [Warning: Parental Advice Coming..](https://www.elazarbloom.com/warning-parental-advice-coming/) - So, we have a son that is just about to turn 18. And I, like many parents I know, will likely NEVER outgrow the urge to give advice. With elder teen and certainly adult children, a helpful approach (which still allows the parent to still give advice when it cannot be contained) is to acknowledge - [Dude, Breathe..](https://www.elazarbloom.com/dude-breathe/) - With another recent run-in with Covid, I was quickly brought back to the impact of fear on my life. What I noticed is the different reactions to it. Some of us activate and blame, others, minimize and dismiss. All of us confront the same fact: At Best, Our Control is VERY Imperfect. How does life - [Droopy Leaves and a Child's Needs](https://www.elazarbloom.com/droopy-leaves-and-a-childs-needs/) - There is this plant on our back porch whose leaves start to droop when it is in need of water. Whenever I see it start to sag (as in the pic) I am happy that it tells me exactly what it needs with such a clear signal. Even more, I love how I am able - [Inflation v. Deflation](https://www.elazarbloom.com/inflation-v-deflation/) - Inflation and Deflation are 2 sides of the same coin. It's actually more common (and possibly more damaging?)to be consumed by deflation as it can seem humble and even "righteous". Regardless, both are out of touch with my true worth. - [When the Servant Becomes the Master](https://www.elazarbloom.com/when-the-servant-becomes-the-master/) - I know a young girl that talks and talks. She started talking early and has not stopped. It's almost like she is using language to make sure she is real, that others are there and she is connected to them. And this got me thinking... Words are powerful and so helpful in managing the ongoing - [Not That Place...](https://www.elazarbloom.com/not-that-place/) - It's fascinating (and somewhat frustrating) that the vulnerable place within myself that I protect (and subsequently reject) is the most fertile ground for deep connection with my spouse. Our rejection of this common (human) ground makes us strangers to one another. Our embrace of this common (human) ground creates a bond of acceptance and safety - [Injury Becomes Identity](https://www.elazarbloom.com/injury-becomes-identity/) - A child is angrily scolded into submission. Out of fear, he complies, he corrects his behavior, the authority figure is satisfied. And there is a cost. "Injury Becomes Identity" The initial cost is the unseen wound of rejection wrought by the trusted elder's anger (children inherently initially trust adults). And that cost festers. It festers - [Anything But Loneliness](https://www.elazarbloom.com/anything-but-loneliness/) - I often have parents come in sharing about how disturbing their child has become: "He constantly teases his sister" "She talks to me like I am a nothing" "He fights me on every decision" "She wears things that make her look like a..." And I remind them what I am constantly reminding myself with our - [What I am going to Do..](https://www.elazarbloom.com/what-i-am-going-to-do/) - "What I am going to do, not what YOU are going to do." For me this is one of the clearest, most succinct expressions of healthy BOUNDARY setting. In boundary setting my commitment to myself and my own well being comes first. If I am trying to get YOU to do something different as a - [Acting Out?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/acting-out/) - Focus on a child's BEHAVIOR and soon find yourself in a punish/reward feedback loop that while initially efficient, ultimately leaves the child insecure, emotionally unsafe and disconnected. Focus on the child's NEEDS that give rise to the behavior and find yourself tuned in his emotions and his world, creating a safe haven, fertile ground for - [Can My Child Be My Friend?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/can-my-child-be-my-friend/) - Can My Child Be My Friend? There are often 2 schools of thought on this: Authority - No, a child needs a parent, not a friend. Connection - Yes, being friends with your child creates a close relationship which is a good thing! Truth - Your child should NOT be your friend. That is an - [Still (and always) a Child](https://www.elazarbloom.com/still-and-always-a-child/) - My recent experience of the beautiful picture below brought this home in a real way. Witnessing my parents pre-yom kippur blessing and embrace, the joy was indescribable. Here I am a 45 year old, with a family of my own still deeply impacted by the safety and connection of my parents. More than ever, I - [Good Morning!](https://www.elazarbloom.com/good-morning/) - Walking to synagogue this past Shabbat with my 5 year old daughter Shevy. Me to a man riding a bike:"Good Morning" No response. "Good Morning!" (louder). No response. "GOOD MORNING"! Still nothing. Sensing my frustration, Shevy says: "It's ok tatty, he is probably listening to music and can't hear you". "Yeah, you're right.." (slightly smiling - [What is Really at Stake in a Marriage](https://www.elazarbloom.com/what-is-really-at-stake-in-a-marriage/) - "There's a darkness inside that is flooded in light and I'm frightened by those that don't see it" For me, this powerful line gets at what we really long for from our partners. We all have a beautiful place within us that has become darkened by our painful experiences, especially the hurts we endured from - [What if They Knew?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/what-if-they-knew/) - "A relationship starts to become real when it's broken and begins to heal." This quote hangs in my office. A client entrenched in a troubled relationship recently took a picture of it and we began to talk. The essence of that conversation can be distilled to the following point: If only couples understood that moments - [The Most Destructive Relationship Habit](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-most-destructive-relationship-habit/) - If I had to summarize the single most destructive habit of an intimate relationship I would describe it as “The Habit of NOT” NOT sharing my sadness NOT saying how you hurt me NOT acknowledging when I hurt you NOT sharing my gratitude NOT fully embracing joy NOT revealing my pain NOT exposing - [Serving or Avoiding Life](https://www.elazarbloom.com/serving-or-avoiding-life/) - "You cannot serve life if you are scared of it" - R. Naomi Remen For example: If I avoid painful emotional experiences within myself (an inherent part of living), I will be unable to be present for that experience when it shows up in my child. I may do many things for her (problem solve, - [A Dark Entrance to the Light](https://www.elazarbloom.com/a-dark-entrance-to-the-light/) - As Jews, we know loss all too well, but I fear we may have forgotten how to create compassionate enough spaces to experience emotional pain and grieve together. Our coping strategies have gotten the best of us and we have paid the price in terms of connection to ourselves and each other. When our Sages - [The Truth About Success](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-truth-about-success/) - The truth about improvement, growth, success, (etc., etc.) In HEALTH: It naturally develops out of a secure feeling of love, connection and belonging In SICKNESS: it is the person's greatest hope to deserve love, connection and belonging. - [Nurtured to Thrive](https://www.elazarbloom.com/nurtured-to-thrive/) - When father's day comes around, It's natural to wonder how you are doing in that role. The cards feel good but you know the kids are forced to make those by well-meaning teachers and/or mothers. So how do you "check your ratings" (borrowed from a favorite Calvin and Hobbes)? I'm not sure, but a - [The Most Important Benefit of Mindfulness?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-most-important-benefit-of-mindfulness/) - There is a lot of talk about "mindfulness" and its benefits. One benefit that I appreciate and haven't seen given a lot of air time: Awareness of and friendly attention to my own inner experience at any given moment protects me from being drawn into the feelings, moods and states of other people, which (by - [My Grandparents "Trauma Bond"](https://www.elazarbloom.com/my-grandparents-trauma-bond/) - My grandparents were married in a DP camp following WW2. They both had just endured unspeakable losses including the murder of my grandfather's first wife and children and my grandmother's time with Mengele in Auschwitz. She was 17, he closer to 30. They married to survive. They married to fight off the loneliness and the - [Attempt at a Mission Statement](https://www.elazarbloom.com/attempt-at-a-mission-statement/) - Can you perceive the divine ember hidden in everything, in everyone? Can you open up your mouth and fan it with your breath of Life? At least..please, can you hold back from spitting on and extinguishing it? - [You Make it All Mean Something](https://www.elazarbloom.com/you-make-it-all-mean-something/) - In a couples counseling session, the husband was challenged by his wife to name something that he frequently does to show his love for her. He said: "What do you mean, everyday, I wake up, I work my a-- off to provide, to try and give you a life that feels good to you!" - [I Love You (especially) Here](https://www.elazarbloom.com/i-love-you-especially-here/) - When he was very young, at times, our oldest son would hit me. I remember how hard this was as a new parent. I did not take it well and responded poorly, often with anger; driven by the fear of "what's wrong with him?", worse, "what's wrong with ME?" My experience is that the single - [Passover Wine, Loss, and My Avoidance of Sadness](https://www.elazarbloom.com/passover-wine-loss-and-my-avoidance-of-sadness/) - Yesterday evening I was irritated, with my wife, with our kids; snappy, uncomfortable. I couldn't trace it. Nothing especially stressful happened at work, dinner was hot and delicious, where the heck was this coming from? I continued to feel uneasy the rest of the evening and finally, in the shower that night it hit me.. - [Death of the Heart](https://www.elazarbloom.com/death-of-the-heart/) - "Where there is no memory, there has been death of the heart" -R. Nachman I often sit with someone and they tell me that they do not remember much from their younger years. That despite having had a "good childhood", the particular memories remain elusive. It appears that the beautiful person in front of me - [Broken Glass to Heal a Broken Heart](https://www.elazarbloom.com/broken-glass-to-heal-a-broken-heart/) - At the very end of the marriage ceremony, the last thing a Jewish bride and groom do before becoming husband and wife is shatter a glass. The common explanation of this custom is to bring to mind the exile and destruction of the Temple even at the very height of one's joy. And perhaps there - [Unconditional Love? No Such Thing](https://www.elazarbloom.com/unconditional-love-no-such-thing/) - There is no such thing as "Unconditional Love" Love is by definition unconditional and can be nothing else. If it's conditional it is not love, it is approval. - [Living a Borrowed Life](https://www.elazarbloom.com/living-a-borrowed-life/) - One of the Hebrew word for grave is "Sheol". The 3 letter root of this word שאל is the same as the word "borrow". Every time I define myself by another person, every time I borrow my identity from your opinion, from your judgment, I turn on myself and step into the grave of a - [Playing Dominoes with Shevy](https://www.elazarbloom.com/playing-dominoes-with-shevy/) - One of the Shabbat (Saturday) morning activities that Shevy (5) and I enjoy together is setting up long trains of dominoes and watching them fall. It's a lot of work (and often frustration) for a couple of moments of "WOW" but it passes the time together and we have a laugh. Is life like those - [Pain as Intimate Guide](https://www.elazarbloom.com/pain-as-intimate-guide/) - What if the most important work we have to do in life is to experience the meaning of loss and allow it to guide us toward the only thing we truly have? What if suffering is intended to nudge us towards parts our selves that are needed to experience the wonders of healing and the - [You Are Living a Dream](https://www.elazarbloom.com/you-are-living-a-dream/) - Dreams, the Torah portions we have been reading are filled with images of the unconscious and their interpretations: Joseph, Pharaoh, his ministers. The kabbalists say that the events and experiences of our lives resemble a dream. And our will be defined by how we INTERPRET it. The Hebrew word for dream: חלם The Hebrew word - [Shevy's Candy Grab](https://www.elazarbloom.com/shevys-candy-grab/) - At a Chanukah/Birthday party my daughter Shevy received a candy bag. She clutched on to that bag firm and tight, treasuring it, not wanting it to leave her sight for a moment. She would not let me put the candies into a ziplock until I was able to illustrate that she would still be able - [My Teenage Tears, Toxic Shame and Hakuna Matata](https://www.elazarbloom.com/my-teenage-tears-toxic-shame-and-hakuna-matata/) - I recently had the pleasure of watching the Lion King with my daughter and nephew. I originally saw it in the theatre when it came out in 1994. I was 18 at the time. It had me in serious tears and I had no idea why. It was actually quite embarrassing because I couldn't hide - [Looking Through the Window](https://www.elazarbloom.com/looking-through-the-window/) - Looking through the window Recently, I was sitting on my back porch and as I glanced through the closed window, I watched my wife interacting with my children in the kitchen. They were not doing anything exceptional; typical family stuff - eating, talking, smiling; one of the kids was kind of just spacing out. Yet, - [Traumas of Pain and Pleasure](https://www.elazarbloom.com/traumas-of-pain-and-pleasure/) - Traumas of pain and pleasure Negative Trauma = Experiences that overwhelm one's system with PAIN. They cannot be processed as they happen and are therefore held down as condensed pockets of pain to be AVOIDED at all cost. Positive trauma = Experiences that overwhelm one's system with PLEASURE and are therefore held in constant awareness - [The Body and Soul of Love](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-body-and-soul-of-love/) - The only difference between the holy and the mundane is that the while the holy is united with and aware of the divine energy that brings it into existence at every moment, the mundane experiences THAT SAME divine energy as somehow SEPARATE from its existence. This body is thus devoted to the realm of the - [Hide and Seek with Shevy](https://www.elazarbloom.com/hide-and-seek-with-shevy/) - My 5 year old daughter and I have a weekly tradition where on Shabbat (Saturday) morning we play a game of hide and seek together. When I hide, she seeks and the game goes as it should. When SHE hides, I pretend not to know where she is for a little while (even though she - [Couples Break Up for the Same Reason they Get Together](https://www.elazarbloom.com/couples-break-up-for-the-same-reason-they-get-together/) - It all has to do with core fears and vulnerabilities. One of several variations: A young man, deeply fears that deep down he is really not important. He has learned to "get it right" and become worthy by focusing on pleasing those he cares about and catering to their needs. A young woman, deeply fears - [Guilt is Good?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/guilt-is-good/) - Guilt is a confusing for many of us. Some define it as an important human experience that can lead to personal growth and the deepening of relationships. Others see it as overwhelming and destructive. A force that inhibits their ability to engage meaningfully with life. Which is it? It can be both, but only one - [Abraham's Journey](https://www.elazarbloom.com/abrahams-journey/) - Abraham's journey... had very little to do with his actual steps toward a new geographic location. It's truth was an inner journey from unconscious conditioned fears, desires and thought patterns to the open expansive space of Divine consciousness. His first encounter with an open awareness that transcended his limited conception of the Divine. The shift - [Your Inner Nesting Doll](https://www.elazarbloom.com/your-inner-nesting-doll/) - Solving inner disturbances is less about problem solving and more about self expanding. It's about seeing the distress in its proper context. As that context expands, broadens and deepens, the issue does not need to go away, it is simply seen for what it is: Your earlier best attempt at living. - [Bubby's Relationship Wisdom #1](https://www.elazarbloom.com/bubbys-relationship-wisdom-1/) - "One Mother Accomplishes More than 100 Teachers" Like it or not, our first relationship is the most important one of our lifetime and everything that happens (or doesn't happen) in it will impact all subsequent relationships. This is not a sentence, it is just how things work. The more you accept it, understand it and - [KNOW YOUR STYLE - How You Handle Stress WILL Affect Your Relationship](https://www.elazarbloom.com/know-your-style-how-you-handle-stress-will-affect-your-relationship/) - What is your reaction to (emotional) stress? What is your partner's reaction to (emotional) stress? If you tend to turn UP the Volume to connect, feel seen and supported, while your partner's tendency is to turn DOWN the volume to maintain a status of "OK" and focus on solutions, then.... One of you will regularly - [The Burden of Responsibility](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-burden-of-responsibility/) - When God places Adam in the Garden to guard and serve it, the verse states: "And the Lord, God TOOK Adam and PLACED him in the Garden.." Apparently Adam did not want to go on his own. What was in the way? Was not the garden glorious? The answer our sages give is that Adam - [Stop Hitting Yourself](https://www.elazarbloom.com/stop-hitting-yourself/) - Most people I have discussed this with admit that they have a pretty healthy inner voice that can be critical, judgmental and sometimes downright abusive. This voice developed very early as an adaptive strategy to a an unsettled environment. And life itself is unsettling. The more chaos there was in the environment, the greater the - [Why You Can't Smell the Flowers](https://www.elazarbloom.com/why-you-cant-smell-the-flowers/) - A possible reason why you aren’t happy. Well, you might be running from a bear. And if you are, it will be hard to stop and smell the flowers. Or notice anything else of grace and beauty. And there may not actually be any bear but if your nervous system is jammed in that setting, - [Forgive (for) Yourself](https://www.elazarbloom.com/forgive-for-yourself/) - I often have trouble forgiving others because of what I experienced as a result of what they said or did to me. Nobody was there for me in that pain and I actually believed some of the "not good" I was feeling about myself in those moments. Not wanting to feel that, I would blame - [Courage v. Ambition](https://www.elazarbloom.com/courage-v-ambition/) - Courage is the willingness to show up and serve life, while accepting the inevitable pain and discomfort involved. Ambition is the need to prove that I am significant by what I can accomplish in life, avoiding pain and discomfort as much as possible. Courage is rooted in love and abundance. Ambition is rooted in fear - [Two of the Most Dangerous Words to Say to Your Child](https://www.elazarbloom.com/two-of-the-most-dangerous-words-to-say-to-your-child/) - Two of the most dangerous words you can say to your child: "You're Special" They are dangerous not because they are a lie. They are dangerous because they can be about YOUR need to have a "special child". The burden the child then bears is one of "not enough". The fear that being his normal, - [Reflecting on My Parents' 50th Anniversary](https://www.elazarbloom.com/reflecting-on-my-parents-50th-anniversary/) - I spend many hours a week with loving, amazing, dedicated couples in pain. Why the heck did I choose this strange line of work? I used to think it was because of my own marriage. 18+ years of creating a relationship with my wife Rivkah that is so important to me that I want to - [Emotional Infection - This is How it Happens](https://www.elazarbloom.com/emotional-infection-this-is-how-it-happens/) - A physical infection happens when something that shouldn't be there lodges itself in the body. When that happens there is irritation, inflammation and tenderness. Touch the infection and you will get a strong reaction. An emotional infection happens when we experience a normal emotion (anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.) and OUR MIND TELLS OUR BODY - [Would You Like to Live Less Guarded?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/would-you-like-to-live-less-guarded/) - Would you like to live less guarded? If so, what's holding you back? Or more importantly... Who's Holding the Keys? Often the one holding the keys is elusive, he's hiding, because he believes that the keys are his only hope, his only protection. And he doesn't even feel good about hanging on to them so - [Marriage - Not 50 -50, More Like 80-20.](https://www.elazarbloom.com/marriage-not-50-50-more-like-80-20/) - Looking for "fairness" or "equality" in marriage will lead you right to a power struggle disaster. A much better recipe than the 50-50 myth is the 80-20 "got your back". The concept is straight forward: In any moment of stress or difficulty determine who's got 80 in the tank (feeling strong, confident, etc.) and who's - [Stop Blaming Your Parents](https://www.elazarbloom.com/stop-blaming-your-parents/) - Stop Blaming Your Parents. כִּי־אָבִ֣י וְאִמִּ֣י עֲזָב֑וּנִי וַֽיהוָ֣ה יַֽאַסְפֵֽנִי׃ Though my father and mother abandon me, God will take me in. During this month, Jews have a custom to read chapter 27 of Psalms where the above verse is found. I believe that on one level, King David is speaking of a moment that every - [Second Chances](https://www.elazarbloom.com/second-chances/) - "If it weren't for second chances we would all be alone" - G.A. Isakov I think it's fair to say that a relationship really only begins when things go wrong and hurt happens. It is in that crucial moment that we get to reach for another from the vulnerability of our own pain and make - [There was an Affair. Can We Heal?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/there-was-an-affair-can-we-heal/) - Yes. But. In my experience, at minimum it requires 4 things: Desire - You must BOTH want to. There is very good reason NOT to try and heal this breach of trust. Understanding - The affair was the unfortunate "solution" to a bigger problem - the ongoing, unconscious destructive pattern of disconnection and mutual pain - [Marriage - Don't Believe the Hype](https://www.elazarbloom.com/marriage-dont-believe-the-hype/) - Looking for a place to hang your hat and feel accepted for who you are? An island from the anxiety and dissatisfaction of the outside world? A place to call home? Don't expect to find it in marriage. You probably won't. Looking for a place where the tight space of a committed relationship will keep - [The Second Time Around](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-second-time-around/) - "Live as if you were already living for the second time." - V. Frankl This is helpful to me. It gently acknowledges that I get stuck. It makes space for the fear and other motivations outside my awareness that bring me to react to life and other people in a certain way. It acknowledges how - [Are You Avoiding Me?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/are-you-avoiding-me/) - Yesterday a friend asked me if I was working on Tisha B'Av. I answered "no". I later thought about how nice it would be to work, or better yet, to sleep. To go unconscious and wake up Friday morning not having to worry about it until next Summer. What am I trying to avoid? It - [My False Self](https://www.elazarbloom.com/my-false-self/) - One of the best metaphors I have heard for the "false self" we unknowingly come to inhabit is that of an espaliered tree. Espaliered trees are saplings that are made to grow into a desired shape. To make this happen, the soft, delicate branches of the developing tree are bent to a desired shape and - [4 Questions to Get to the Heart of Your Relationship Issues](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-fountain-of-risk/) - 4 Questions to Get to the Heart of Your Relationship Issues: A deep, intimate relationship is a fountain; a natural source of energy, vitality and joy. We all enter this space seeking to be nourished. Q - Why am I not feeling nourished? The most common cause is that you are not being seen, heard - [The Integrated Turtle](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-integrated-turtle/) - I had just finished an emotional session with an amazing young couple. Both of them, brave souls with trauma filled backgrounds. I went on a long run to reflect and release and then I saw this guy (pictured above). A thought occurred. That beautiful shell is the pain and the need to protect. The little - [Change as a Window to Abundance](https://www.elazarbloom.com/change-as-a-window-to-abundance/) - "If we fear change, we are blind to the abundance of life" - M. Nepo What aspect of life's abundance has this dramatic change brought you into contact with? If that abundance is hard to see, that may be because we have become so accustomed to looking in narrow, confined spaces for it. Funny enough, - [Lovers Facing Each Other and the Beyond](https://www.elazarbloom.com/lovers-facing-each-other-and-beyond/) - Working with couples, the most significant shift I get the privilege of witnessing is when husband and wife turn to one another and share intimate emotional space. She may share her loneliness and how her angry attack is really a fearful, fear laden attempt to try and find him. He may share his fear of - [The Sweetness of the Stinging Nettle - A Parenting Lesson](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-sweetness-of-the-stinging-nettle-a-parenting-lesson/) - These small plants commonly found along the Eastern seaboard can hurt. But if you carefully cut the nettle at its stem, it's insides serve as the perfect remedy. Pain is always best sweetened at its source. If you can slowly, gently enter and listen, it will share with you its secret of what is truly - [Why You're So Hard on Yourself and What You Can Do About it](https://www.elazarbloom.com/why-youre-so-hard-on-yourself-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/) - “What’s wrong with you?” “Why are you so lazy?” “Look at how much better and more successful he is than you.” If these judgments were lodged at a child, we would be up in arms in defense of his dignity and her sense of self. And yet, we routinely file these evaluations and many others….against - [The Engine of Existence: Exploring the Dynamics of Giving and Receiving ](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-engine-of-existence-exploring-the-dynamics-of-giving-and-receiving/) - Explore the universal dynamics of giving and receiving (mashpia-mekabel) and discover how a deep understanding of this process can inform and guide your most important relationships. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - 30 minutes Target Audiences: Schools (Parent education) Synagogues - [Mother's Milk (Yitro)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/mothers-milk-yitro/) - And G-d called to Moses from the mountain saying: 'This is what you shall tell the house of Jacob and relate to the Children of Israel'. (Exodus 19:3) The ‘house of Jacob’ refers to the Jewish women. (Rashi) The offer to receive the Torah and become G-d’s nation went to the women first. Why? Because a - [Values are Caught, Not Taught (Bo)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/values-are-caught-not-taught-bo/) - “…When your children ask, what is this service to you? You shall say…” (Exodus 12:25-26) Education is a parental responsibility. Because the Torah views education, not as an accumulation of knowledge, but mainly as a transmission of divine values, parents are the most appropriate people to accomplish this task. Why? Because values are transmitted as - [The Illusion of Authoritarian Parenting (Vaera)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-magic-of-authoritarian-parenting-vaera/) - Aaron cast down his rod in the presence of Pharaoh….and it turned into a serpent… and the Egyptian magicians, in turn, did the same with their spells. (Exodus 7:10-11) Aaron was given the divine ability to turn his staff into a snake. The Egyptian sorcerers appeared to do the same with theirs. This is - [3 Relationship Myths (and the truth)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/3-relationship-myths-and-the-truth/) - False Relationship Belief #1 Myth: You never hurt someone you love Fact: You most hurt (and are hurt by) someone you love. Not on purpose, of course, but pain is the price we pay for caring about someone deeply. The true love that is the stuff of a marriage is about what you do AFTER - ["Reign it In"! (Vayechi)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/reign-it-in-parenting-parsha-vayechi/) - Reuben, you are my first-born, my might and the first fruit of my vigor, exceeding in rank and exceeding in honor…unstable as water….you brought disgrace… (Genesis 49:3-4). Rueben made a mistake. He was emotional, acted impulsively and it cost him. Mistakes are forgivable, but their consequences remain. In an online world mistakes can be especially - [The Path to Adulthood (Miketz)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-path-to-adulthood-parenting-parsha-miketz/) - And Pharaoh said to his courtiers, “Could we find another like him, a man in whom is the spirit of G-d?” (Genesis 41:38) In last week’s parsha (Vayeshev), Yosef is referred to as a “lad” (נער). In this week’s parsha, Pharaoh calls him a “man” (איש). One might say that Yosef matured into a man, - [You didn't make a mistake, its just hard...](https://www.elazarbloom.com/you-didnt-make-a-mistake-its-just-hard/) - You didn’t make a mistake, it’s just hard… As a couple moves into later stages of their relationship, they often find they enjoy each other less and less. This is generally the result of bickering; repetitive draining arguments about, well, just about anything. It's at this point that both individuals might say to themselves (or - [Fortified from Within (Vayetzeh)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-vayetzeh-fortified-from-within/) - One day soon, our children are going to head out into the world. They will be on their own dealing with challenges that we are all too familiar with. How can we best prepare them for the reality of an often harsh and uncaring world? Contrary to popular belief, they do not need to be - [To Label or Not to Label? (Toldot)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-toldot/) - To Label or Not to Label? “And the youths grew up, and Esau was a man who understood hunting, a man of the field, whereas Jacob was an innocent man, dwelling in tents.”(Genesis 25:27) Do you label your child(ren)? Is she the goofy, athletic one and he the quiet, musical one? Is labeling helpful? Is - [The Jewish Calendar and the Collective Nervous System](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-jewish-calendar-and-trauma-treatment/) - A Trauma Treatment Perspective on the Jewish Calendar Kabalah posits that we experience reality on 3 planes: space, time and soul. It therefore follows that internal human states and processes (soul) will be mirrored in the yearly calendar (time). The major 7 day holiday of Sukot is situated at the exact opposite end of - [Sinners, Speak Up!](https://www.elazarbloom.com/sinners-speak-up/) - This time of the Jewish year, there is a lot of talk about asking God for forgiveness. Some of us show up for that experience but most don’t. I have this strange sense that for those that don’t, it’s not that they couldn't care less. They care, a lot. The problem is that they have - [In the Field, for You. (Re'eh)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/in-the-field-for-you-reeh/) - This Shabbat we welcome the Jewish month of Elul. Elul is the last month of the Jewish year and a time of preparation for the upcoming High Holidays. The Chassidic masters describe Elul as a time when “the King is in the field”; God figuratively leaves His inner chamber, His palace, His royal city and - [Keep It Simple (Va'etchanan)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/keep-it-simple-vaetchanan/) - In this week’s portion Moshe reviews the experience of receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai. Often translated as the “10 commandments” the aseret hadibrot, given then, are more accurately translated as the “10 Principles”. In fact, there are a total of 613 commandments that we are potentially bound to by the Torah. Yet, G-d chose - [Marriage on The Moon](https://www.elazarbloom.com/marriage-on-the-moon/) - “Tu B’Av” is the greatest Jewish holiday most Jews have never heard of. It’s the day that our tradition openly addresses the longing for of a loving, intimate relationship. Like other holidays (Sukot, Passover), it coincides with a full moon. Unlike, those other holidays, the full moon of Tu B’Av follows just a few days - [The Longing of Tisha B'Av Afternoon](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-longing-of-tisha-bav-afternoon/) - As we move into the afternoon hours of this sad day our strength grows. With space to breathe, we consider the Eternal longing for intimacy and closeness and with that thought we reconnect with our own. We begin to acknowledge our own loneliness and desire for closeness with God, our spouse, our parents, our - [The Genesis of Couples Therapy - Part 2](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-genesis-of-couples-therapy-part-2/) - Last post we were left with a question but first a little background. Genesis tells us that the goal of marriage is for a man to leave his mother and father and attach himself to his wife. I proposed that Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), of which I am a strong proponent, finds its primary theoretical - [The Genesis of Couples Therapy](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-genesis-of-couples-therapy/) - The Torah uses very few words to say an awful lot. It's view on marriage is famously condensed into one brief verse: עַל־כֵּן֙ יַֽעֲזָב־אִ֔ישׁ אֶת־אָבִ֖יו וְאֶת־אִמּ֑וֹ וְדָבַ֣ק בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וְהָי֖וּ לְבָשָׂ֥ר אֶחָֽד׃ "Therefore, a man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, so that they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) That's it. - [Remember When...(Matot-Masei)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/remember-when-matot-masei/) - After 40 years, the Jewish nation is on the cusp of entering into the Holy Land and God reviews with them the 42 stops of their long and difficult journey through the desert. God seems to want to communicate that despite all that they have been through together, He did not abandon them. Similarly, as - [Cover Up and...Connect?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/cover-up-and-connect/) - “And she lifted her eyes and saw Isaac....she descended from the camel….took the scarf and covered herself.” (Genesis 24:64-65) To understand the Torah’s approach to any given topic, the place to start is by analyzing the first instance that topic appears. So, Isaac and Rebecca, which is the Torah’s first description of a meeting between - [Getting Married? You Need to Know This.](https://www.elazarbloom.com/getting-married-you-need-to-know-this/) - A young couple on the precipice of getting married once asked me: “What is the most important thing that we need to know about marriage”? I love questions like this. It forces me to put aside the “techniques” and tools that are often the merchandise of a marital therapist and delve into my fundamental beliefs - ["Please Don’t Make Your Child Behave"](https://www.elazarbloom.com/please-dont-make-your-child-behave/) - I was browsing the library when two children, a boy and a girl were running up and down the aisles of books playing a noisy and apparently very enjoyable game of tag. The elderly gentleman sitting on the other side of my laptop station got up and found mom who was at one of the - [One Matzah, One Process](https://www.elazarbloom.com/one-matzah-one-process/) - Matzah, fills you up and keeps you satisfied. Jews ate a lot of it as slaves in Egypt. Strangely enough, God instructed the Jews to eat that very same food on the night before their long awaited redemption. One matzah, two experiences; slavery and freedom. But is it really? Can you experience victory without the - [Of Hooves, Paws and the Play of Forms](https://www.elazarbloom.com/of-hooves-paws-and-the-play-of-forms/) - A ongoing question I ask myself: "Am I losing myself in everyday events and circumstances? Am I too immersed, too bound to the "forms" that never cease to occupy the space of my existence?" When situations hook me into emotional experiences that narrow my perspective and overwhelm my available resources, I know the balance is - [24 Hours of Presence.](https://www.elazarbloom.com/24-hours-of-presence/) - Jon Kabat-Zinn describing mindfulness... "...This is what stopping can do. There is nothing passive about it. And when you decide to go, it's a different kind of going because you stopped. The stopping actually makes the going more vivid, richer, more textured. It helps keep all the things we worry about and feel inadequate about - [The Song of Sacrifice (Tzav)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-song-of-sacrifice-tzav/) - This week's Torah portion continues to describe the sacrificial service in the Temple. The sages of the Talmud comment that when a person brings an offering, it should not be a perfunctory, superficial ritual, but he should have the intent of offering himself to God. Understandably, this is demanding work. Sacrifice is difficult and - [The Joyful Parent (Adar - Pekudei)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-joyful-parent-adar-pekudei/) - In communication there are: The words we use. The underlying message we transmit with our facial gestures, body language and tone. In most relationships and especially in relating to our children, the second is much more significant as it transmits the emotional dimension of our message. Because emotion is the language of bonding and connection, - [Crushed to Illuminate (Tetzaveh)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/crushed-to-illuminate-tetzaveh/) - “..They shall take to you, pure olive oil that is crushed, to illuminate…” (Exodus 27:20) Teaching your child how to deal with challenges and difficulties is one of the most important and difficult things a parent has to do. Our inclination is to rescue, but our responsibility is to guide and support. A beautiful analogy - [A Parent’s Honor: A Child’s Privilege (Mishpatim)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/a-parents-honor-a-childs-privilege-mishpatim/) - “One who curses his mother or father…..” (Exodus 21:15) The Torah takes the honoring of parents very seriously. Some parents are not comfortable in this role. They don’t feel they deserve such honor and don’t want to impose these requirements on their children. While sounding noble, such an attitude is destructive. Parents should remember 2 - [Destined for Each Other?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/destined-for-each-other/) - Were you and your spouse destined for each other? Does it even matter? Let’s try and answer these questions with another: What makes a marriage work? “Love"? Sorry, incorrect. “Respect”? Closer, but still not there. "Good chemistry"? Maybe to get things rolling, but not to make it for the long haul. The only answer that - [10 Suggestions for Encouraging a Jewish “Growth” Mindset in (ourselves and) Our Children:](https://www.elazarbloom.com/10-suggestions-for-encouraging-a-jewish-growth-mindset-in-ourselves-and-our-children/) - EMPATHIZE AND MODEL 1. Be open with them regarding your own past struggles and share the work and the process that led you to overcome the challenge. 2. Admit that there are (many) things that you still struggle with every day, haven’t yet mastered, and continue to work on and improve in. NORMALIZE AND - [Consequences? First, an Alternative.](https://www.elazarbloom.com/consequences-first-an-alternative/) - Moses is sent to redeem the Jewish nation from Egypt. Despite their lowly spiritual state he is not instructed by God to rebuke them or insist they change their ways before they can be taken out. It's time and this is their destiny. It is only later on, when they are given their first divine - [Enough for Us All (Miketz-Hannukah)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/enough-for-all-of-us-miketz-hannukah/) - Pharaoh has a dream. 7 healthy, robust cows emerge from the Nile which symbolize the 7 years of plenty to come. Like the cows, when there is enough, everyone looks happy and healthy; the natural tendency toward competition, selfishness and jealousy is absent. Perhaps, for this reason we learn our model of parenting from Hashem, - [Threat or Opportunity? (Vayera)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/threat-or-opportunity-vayera/) - When Lot was forced to run away from Sodom and told to flee to the mountains, he begged not to be forced to go there. Why the resistance? Because his uncle Abraham lived there and apparently he did not want to be measured up against him. Lot was more comfortable living in a place like - [One Flesh - Two Meanings (Breisheet)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/one-flesh-two-meanings-breisheet/) - In this week’s parsha, human beings are given the directive to marry and “become one flesh”. On the simplest level this means that husband and wife become “one flesh” by having a child who inherits both of their DNA. On a deeper level, this is an instruction for the marriage itself. The goal of marriage - [Especially the Children (Nitzavim)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/especially-the-children-nitzavim/) - The final moments before entering into the land of Israel have arrived and Moshe reinforces the Jews’ commitment to Hashem to observe His covenant and to be His nation. He purposely mentions 10 categories of individuals, from the leaders of the tribes to the simple laborers and interestingly, he mentions the children. Children are not - [Have We Been Here Before?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/have-we-been-here-before/) - In this presentation, R. Bloom shows how the description of marriage in the Book of Genesis along and contemporary research on adult attachment merge to illuminate your recurring argument. Why do married couples often seem to have "the same fight" over and over again? Most importantly, how do you break the pattern? This class can - [Sweat the Small Stuff (Eikev)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/sweat-the-small-stuff-eikev/) - The name of this week’s parsha - Eikev (עקב) can be translated both as “because” and “heel”. Noting this double meaning, the sages praise the steadfast observance of all the commandments, especially the seemingly insignificant ones that people generally disregard and “trample with their heel”. Most of us are involved with our children when things - [Don't Ask How (Devarim)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/dont-ask-how-devarim/) - As he does a final review of his experience as leader of Jewish Nation, Moses recalls a moment of frustration where he exclaimed: “How can I alone bear all of your burdens and quarrels?!” (1:12) The Hebrew word for “how” is איכה (Eicha.) This word is generally used in the Hebrew bible to express despair - [To Know The Spirit of Each One (Pinchas)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/to-know-the-spirit-of-each-one-pinchas/) - In this week’s parsha Moshe asks G-d to appoint a leader to succeed him. The defining characteristic of that leader is that he, like G-d himself, will be able relate to the uniqueness of each individual. As parents, we share a similar role. We strive to understand and guide each child in his/her uniqueness. This - [Because I Said So (Chukat)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/because-i-said-so/) - The chok (from which our parsha gets its name) is generally translated as a divine command that we do not understand. Examples include the kosher diet, the purification process of the red heifer and many more. Why do we do it? Because G-d said so. What exactly is the value in doing something “because G-d - [Your Child's Brain as Co-Parent](https://www.elazarbloom.com/your-childs-brain-as-your-co-parent/) - One of the most difficult questions new parents ask is: “How do I know when to punish my child?” Like most parenting matters, this is best answered with guiding principles rather than specific formulas that may or may not apply to your child or your circumstance. We are blessed to possess deep insight into how - [Permissive with Feelings, Strict with Behaviors (Korach)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/permissive-with-feelings-strict-with-behaviors/) - Reading the story of Korach in this week’s parsha, it’s not difficult to identify with him. He felt overlooked and mistreated. Given the circumstances, those feelings are understandable and yet the course of action that he took was severely punished. A common parenting misstep is to think that by validating a child’s feelings we also validate - [The Power of "But" (Shelach)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-power-of-but-shelach/) - The sin of the spies in the week’s portion turned on one word: “But". As instructed, the spies returned with a report. Then, with the word “but” they shared what the report meant to them. And everything went downhill from there. FACT: Children exhibit behaviors. We then observe those behaviors and have thoughts and feelings - [Never Arriving, Always Learning.](https://www.elazarbloom.com/never-arriving-always-learning/) - In Temple times, if you were unable to bring the Passover offering in its designated time (14th of Nissan) you had a 2nd chance a month later to make it happen (Numbers 9:6) This is a glaring example of the Torah’s conditioning us to the perspective of constantly looking forward. The Growth Mindset - - [The Family Foundation (Naso)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-family-foundation-naso/) - The sacred dimension of husband and wife is brought into full focus this week as we learn about the procedure of erasing God’s name in hope of preserving the marriage (Numbers 5:23). A marriage of two individuals is inherently unstable. Triangulation with the divine dimension is what provides the relationship with healthy depth and stability. - [Want To Count? Contribute. (Bamidbar)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/want-to-count-contribute-bamidbar/) - As they begin their journey into Israel, the Jews are counted (Numbers 1:1). In order to be counted you had to bring a “half shekel” donation to Moshe and Aaron. You had to contribute. A common mistake parents make is the belief that their job is to make their children FEEL good. It is not. - [Construct Before You Deconstruct (Behar-Behukotai)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/construct-before-you-deconstruct-behar-behukotai/) - In the 1st portion of our double parsha we learn about what behaviors God expects from us when we enter into Israel (Leviticus Ch. 25). In the second portion we hear of the positive outcomes when we do as God expects from us (ibid., Ch.26:3). We also hear about the punishments that will happen if - [Animal Attachment (Emor)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/animal-attachment-emor/) - A newborn animal must remain with its mother. For the first week of its life, neither the mother nor its offspring can be brought as an offering (Leviticus 22:27). It is possible that the Torah is recognizing an animal's basic “attachment” needs and therefore it would be cruel to separate mother and child at - [Halacha and Neuroplasticity: Unleashing the 'Authentic Self'](https://www.elazarbloom.com/halacha-and-neuroplasticity-unleashing-the-authentic-self/) - In this lecture, Rabbi Bloom discusses the greatest hidden obstacle to personal growth. More importantly, using our current understanding of the brain and its potential for change (neuroplasticity), he shows you how to sidestep it. But this "trick" is nothing new. It was first revealed to us by the Torah and its emphasis on thought, - [That's a Lot of 'Do Nots'!](https://www.elazarbloom.com/thats-a-lot-of-do-nots/) - “Love your fellow as yourself”, finally something we can all agree upon. But right before and after those positive, reaffirming words are dozens of “Do Nots” (‘Don’t cheat, gossip, bystand, plant forbidden seed mixtures, etc.). How does it all fit together and what’s the parenting message? Kids crave love. And yet, they need something else - [Compassion Cures (Tazria-Metzorah)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/compassion-cures-tazria-metzorah/) - The diagnosis of the spiritual skin affliction known as “tzaraat”’can only be diagnosed by a kohein (priest). A reason given is that kohanim (priests), known for their kindness and compassion, are the only ones that can tell someone they have a spiritual affliction (tzaraat) that they need to fix. Similarly, if we are angry or - [Because That's How I Feel! (Shemini)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/because-thats-how-i-feel-shemini/) - It’s the 1st day of the month of Nissan and the divine presence finally inhabits its earthly home in the mishkan (tabernacle). But a day intended to be filled with joy is stained by the death of Aaron’s sons. Their sin? They felt a strong, seemingly legitimate feeling, expressed it and violated a boundary that cost - [Harvey Weinstein and the Elephant in Therapy](https://www.elazarbloom.com/harvey-weinstein-and-the-elephant-in-therapy/) - The therapeutic relationship, whether with a man, woman or child is an intimate one. Behind a closed door, the therapist intently and warmly listens while the client discloses aspects of one’s life that have likely never been revealed to anyone else before. If the work is to be fruitful a deep connection is formed. This - [Is My Kid Normal?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/what-should-my-child-be-able-to-do/) - In this essential class for parents and educators, Rabbi Bloom explores the child's developmental stages from both a Torah and psychological perspective and explores their significance in terms of developing self esteem and self confidence. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - [Shame v. Guilt and Why It's Important](https://www.elazarbloom.com/shame-v-guilt-and-why-its-important/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom explores the concepts of shame and guilt, why they appear to be similar, and more importantly, how they are essentially different. He uses Torah sources to illustrate how Judaism embraces guilt rather than shame and explains how guilt can be utilized as a positive force of growth and fulfillment. This - [You Called? (Vayikra)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/you-called-vayikra/) - "And He called to Moses and God spoke to him..." (Leviticus 1:1) Our sages tell us that every time God communicated with Moshe, He first lovingly called to him by his name: “Moshe…” Parents, on the other hand, often use their child’s name when they are upset. Some parents are careful to specifically use their - [The "Shabbat" of Parenting (Vayakel-Pekudei)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-shabbat-of-parenting-vayakel-pekudei/) - In this parsha the mishkan (tabernacle), the home for the divine is finally built. We are told that work on the holy mishkan is set aside for the even holier time of Shabbat. The work of the mishkan represents our active and creative engagement with the world to make it into dwelling place for God. Shabbat, - [Self Esteem Junk Food](https://www.elazarbloom.com/self-esteem-junk-food/) - I know a creative child. He writes short stories, builds bows and arrows from things he finds on the street, makes pottery and writes poetry. So, when he asked me: “Rabbi, what should I put in my first YouTube video”? I was surprised. I asked and discovered that he wanted to showcase….something, something that a - [The Half Shekel Mindset (Ki Tisa)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/new/) - The Jews are commanded to submit to a census by donating a half shekel coin to the National treasury. A half shekel seems to be a strange denomination to represent a whole person?! A relevant parenting lesson that can be derived from this is for us to see our children as “incomplete” works in progress. - [Torah's Top 5 Marriage Hacks](https://www.elazarbloom.com/torahs-top-5-marriage-hacks/) - In this engaging and humorous presentation, Rabbi Bloom shares 5 easy to implement marriage "hacks" that can immediately improve your relationship. These hacks shown to be rooted in deep Torah wisdom and uncovering their depth provides oomph and motivation for couples to work them. Approximate Length: Lecture 30 - 40 minutes Target Audiences: Synagogues Dinners/Fundraisers Scholar in - [The Kabbalah of Narrative Therapy: Separating People From Problems](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-kabbalah-of-narrative-therapy-separating-people-from-problems/) - In this presentation, Rabbi Bloom introduces the audience to the powerful tools of Narrative Therapy and shows how this approach is rooted in the Torah's distinction between identity and behavior. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - 30 minutes Target Audiences: - [When Your Child Asks: "What's This?!"](https://www.elazarbloom.com/when-your-child-asks-whats-this/) - A number of years back Rabbi Aaron Ross of Yavneh Academy in New Jersey posted the following on LookJed, a Jewish educator’s forum: “Being an educator is a tricky business. What inspires one student can turn off another student, or perhaps can turn off the same student on a different day. We are called upon - [Love Your Critics!](https://www.elazarbloom.com/love-your-critics/) - Who’s keeping you small? Who’s convinced you to hide? Along the way we were shot down, criticized or even laughed at and we internalized that experience. We ingested that voice and eventually, it took root in our psyche. Now, it echoes in our head every time we think about putting ourselves out there, making - [The Power of Loss (Terumah)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-power-of-loss-terumah/) - A parent’s job description is to nurture and guide a child into responsible, self-confident adulthood. A crucial part of this is helping him process failure and loss. We step back from trying to save and rescue and stand by his side as he processes his feelings, learns from what happened and blazes a new path - [Dating After Diapers](https://www.elazarbloom.com/dirty-diapers-and-date-night-caring-for-your-marriage-after-children/) - In this informative presentation Rabbi Bloom gives couples a Torah based, practical approach to enhancing the marital bond after the blessing of children. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - 30 minutes Target Audiences: Schools (Parent Night) Synagogues (Adult Ed.) Dinners/Fundraisers - [Journey Forward (Beshalach)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/journey-forward-beshalach/) - “…Why do you cry out to Me…Let them journey forward!” (Exodus 14:15) Sandwiched between the sea and the Egyptian army, the Jews froze. Their mission seemed doomed. God answered conclusively: “Keep Going”! There are times when our children, in pursuit of a lofty goal, are going to hit a wall and feel stuck. Now is - [You’re Good, What You Did Wasn't (Vayishlach)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-vayishlach-youre-good-what-you-did-was-not/) - “Cursed is their anger..” He only rebuked their display of anger, not them. (Rashi on Genesis 49:6) Teenagers Levi and Shimon, avenging their sister’s disgrace, deceive and destroy an entire city and its inhabitants. Jacob hears and does not approve. Yet, he only reproves them for their display of anger. He says it was wrong, uncalled - [Am I Empathizing with My Child or Entitling Him?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/am-i-empathizing-with-my-child-or-enabling-him/) - In this engaging lecture Rabbi Bloom explores the fine line between empathizing with one's child and enabling him. The key is understanding what empathy truly is and utilizing specific skills and communication styles to express it. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes - [The First Lesson: Responsibility](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-first-lesson-responsibility/) - In this Torah based lecture Rabbi Bloom uses the story of the first human being to explore humanity's first lesson: Responsibility. He then uses this as a model for parenting our own children. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - 30 - [Fear of Death or Fear of Life?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/fear-of-death-or-fear-of-life/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom explores the challenge of fully living and engaging with life and offers a perspective and tools that can help you move in that direction. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - 30 minutes Target Audiences: Schools - [The Reality Words Create](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-reality-words-create/) - Utilizing the depth of the Hebrew language and the Kabbalah's insight into the nature of reality, Rabbi Bloom shows how relationships are literally created and destroyed with words. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 minutes Lecture - 30 minutes Target Audiences: Schools (Parent - [God's Faith in Us (Noach)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-noah/) - Noah believed in God, so he saved himself, but he could not save his world. Abraham believed that God believed in him and therefore he and his children continue to transform the world into a home for the divine. The faith that we want to imbue our children with is God’s faith in them! We communicate - [Focus On the Gifts (Lech Lecha)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-lech-lecha/) - “And Abraham said to G-d: If only Yishmael would live before you.” (Genesis 17:18) Abraham knew Yishmael’s limitations and yet believed in his potential to become his heir. When he was informed that he was going to have a "miracle" child with Sara, he asked God to do something much more humble: To help him - [To Open Your Eyes, Move Your Feet](https://www.elazarbloom.com/to-open-your-eyes-move-your-feet/) - Saddened and pained, Abraham is commanded to banish Hagar and the child he bore with her – Ishmael (Genesis 19:11). They are in the desert, the boy is dehydrated, ill and on the verge of dying. Seeing this and not wanting to witness his death, Hagar places him under a desert shrub and sits at - ["Give Him a Chance!" (Vayera)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-vayera/) - Give Him a Chance! “And G-d said: “Should I conceal from Abraham what I am doing?!” (Genesis 18:17) G-d had already decreed Sodom’s fate, yet He gave Abraham a chance to “convince Him” otherwise. Why the exercise in futility? Perhaps this is a lesson in how to help others develop good habits and noble character - [The Space that Love Creates (Chayei Sarah)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-chayei-sarah/) - The Space That Love Creates “…You will go to the land of my birth and get a wife for my son Isaac.”(Genesis 24:4) In those days families made matches and marriages happened. Interestingly, despite its importance, Abraham did not want to do the job himself. After all, he was an impressively powerful, influential and charismatic - [Turning Into Our Parents (Vayeshev)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parenting-parsha-vayeshev-turning-into-our-parents/) - “Now Israel loved Joseph best of all his sons, for he was the child of his old age; and he had made him an ornamented tunic.” (Genesis 37:3) Without getting into the ethics of loving one child more than another, it is important to recognize that Jacob himself was raised in a home where “favorites” - [Sharing the Power of Perspective (Vayigash)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/sharing-the-power-of-perspective-parenting-parsha-vayigash/) - “So, it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh, lord of all his household, and ruler over the whole land of Egypt.” (Genesis 45:8) One of the most important things we can share with our children is perspective. Given our life experience, we know - [Teaching Compassion (Shemot)](https://www.elazarbloom.com/how-to-feel-for-another-parenting-parsha-shemot/) - “…And Moses matured and went out to his brethren and he empathized with their burdens..” (Exodus 2:11) Our greatest leader’s first recorded acts were compassionate ones. Some are naturally compassionate, and others hopefully learn. But, how do you teach children compassion? Below are 3 ways to begin: Help them name and understand their emotions. This - [Your Bashert and Your Subconscious](https://www.elazarbloom.com/your-bashert-and-your-subconscious/) - In this fascinating discussion, Rabbi Bloom explores the relationship between the Talmudic notion of a bashert ("soulmate") and the function of the subconscious in choosing our partners. This presentation can be given as a lecture or a text based study. Target Audiences: Synagogues (Adult Education) College Campus (Hillel/Chabad) Dinners/Fundraisers Scholar in Residence (Combined with other available - [Do This and Watch Your Marriage Improve](https://www.elazarbloom.com/do-this-and-watch-your-marriage-improve/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom identifies the Torah's primary goal for marriage and describes a common obstacle to achieving it. Finally, he offers specific practical tools to deal with this issue and immediately improving one's relationship. This presentation can be given as a lecture or as a text based, interactive workshop. Approximate Length: Interactive Text - [Parent? Be a Leader Not a Boss.](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parent-be-a-leader-not-a-boss/) - Are you a parent? How do you see yourself? How would you define your role? This is important. It will impact everything you do with your child and how you do it. With the growing influence of gurus like Simon Sinek, business culture has begun to change from a management focus (A “boss” model) to - [Parent Like a Leader Not a Boss](https://www.elazarbloom.com/parent-like-a-leader-not-a-boss/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom compares and contrasts different parenting styles. Using Torah sources and modern insights into leadership he makes the case that our children need us to be leaders not managers. This class can be given as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 45 minutes Lecture - 20 - [Connection, Addiction and Intimacy](https://www.elazarbloom.com/connection-addiction-and-intimacy/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom explores the soul capacity of Daas, our ability to bond. Using Torah sources and psychological research, he discusses how refining this essential soul function is crucial in one's growth and maturity and will determine everything from the nature of our passions to the health of our relationships. This class can be - [The Litmus Test of Life](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-litmus-test-of-life/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom explores the driving force behind existence and discusses how to know if your life is aligned with your purpose. His approach is primarily based on the work of Viktor Frankl and Kabbalah. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 60 - [The Spiritual Origins of Insomnia](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-spiritual-origins-of-insomnia/) - In this insightful presentation Rabbi Bloom uncovers the spiritual nature of Insomnia and provides understandings as well as therapeutic tools to help overcome it. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - 45 minutes Lecture - 20 minutes Target Audiences: Schools (Parent Night/Adult Ed.) Students (High - [Compassionate Parenting - Nurturing the Future](https://www.elazarbloom.com/compassionate-parenting-nurturing-the-future/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom uses the subtle depth of the Hebrew language to show how the core of parenting is compassion. Combining theory and practical guidance he encourages all of us to relate to ourselves and our children with great humanity and tenderness. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text - ["What Type of Father Are You"?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/what-type-of-father-are-you/) - It has been said that there are 3 types of fathers: The 1st father The 1st father tells his son: “I want you to follow after me. You are young and inexperienced, so you would be wise to learn from me as I have seen much and can lead you in the right direction." The - [The Next Moses?](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-next-moses/) - I recently witnessed a well meaning rabbi communicate to a room full of elementary school age Torah students: “The next gadol hador (leading Torah scholar of the generation) may be sitting in this room!” I wonder if this message unintentionally does more harm than good. Surely, it is meant to inspire, but isn’t our goal - [The Torah's Growth Mindset](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-growth-mindset-of-torah-30-60-minutes/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom shows how the Torah first authenticated the "Growth Mindset" recently developed by the prominent Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. He shares how it can foster our own spiritual growth and how we can teach it to our children. This can be presented in a text based study or a lecture format. - [The School of Love - Reframing Challenging Behavior](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-school-of-love-reframing-challenging-behavior/) - In this presentation Rabbi Bloom uses Torah sources and modern psychological research to encourage parents and educators to develop their ability to reframe childrens' behavior using a lens of generosity. Lessons are made relevant and practical by introducing case studies as well and practical tools that can be immediately applied. This class can be presented - [Doing V. Being](https://www.elazarbloom.com/doing-v-being-what-it-means-for-your-relationship/) - In this fascinating presentation R. Bloom explores the difference between masculine and feminine energy in the macro (creation) and micro (marriage). This presentation combines kabbalah systems thought with the practical tools and understandings of modern communication and attachment theories. This class can be presented as a lecture or in-depth text study. Approximate Length: Text Study - [Avoiding the Pitfall of Privilege](https://www.elazarbloom.com/avoiding-the-pitfall-of-privilege/) - It is nice to be able to discuss the challenges of having it all. For much of our history, the test has not been that of comfort and wealth, but of lack and need. The question I would like to pose is: When we have all that we need, what do we miss? What are - [Your "Bashert" and Your Subconscious](https://www.elazarbloom.com/your-bashert-and-your-subconcious/) - In my previous 2 posts on marriage, it was my goal to explore the relationship between the Imago model of marriage counseling and Torah. I would like to continue that theme here. A well known Talmudic dictum is that before conception a divine declaration is made that "so and so" is destined to marry "so - [The First Lesson: Personal Responsibility](https://www.elazarbloom.com/adams-first-lesson-responsibility/) - Following sin... Following the sin of the tree of knowledge Adam heard God ask him איכה ayeka – “Where are you”? (Genesis 3:9) Yet, in the Jewish Bible all other vocalizations of this same word are Eicha – “How”? (For Ex. - Lamentations 1:1) When something unfortunate happens to us our initial reaction is often: - [Making the Inspiration Last](https://www.elazarbloom.com/making-the-inspiration-last/) - The inspiration never lasts. We’ve all experienced the excitement that leads to a new commitment and the challenge in keeping it going: A daily exercise regimen and Spanish lessons are two of my own that have recently cooled off. So when the Jewish nation stood at Mount and experienced the excitement and inspiration of a - [Look Your Part](https://www.elazarbloom.com/look-your-part/) - At the beginning of the Torah portion of Emor, The Torah outlines the physical requirements for a Kohen (priest) to serve in the Bait Hamikdash (Holy Temple) in Yerushalayim (Jerusalem). A variety of physical blemishes and disabilities - although they do not remove his priestly status (which is inherited) - will disqualify him from performing - [Each and Every One of Us](https://www.elazarbloom.com/each-and-every-one-of-us/) - In this week’s Torah portion of Nitzavim-Vayelech, Moshe (Moses) conducts the final preparations for bringing the Jewish nation into Israel and he renews the covenant that was established between God and the Jewish nation at Sinai. What was the covenant? “To establish you as a people to Him and that He be a God to you..” - [The Escape Hatch](https://www.elazarbloom.com/the-escape-hatch/) - After Noah leaves the ark his very first action is to plant a vineyard. Why a vineyard? A possible approach to this question is based on the Rabbi's description of Noah as one “who lacked faith”. Quite a strange description for a man that heeded God’s command and spent years building an ark and gathering - [To Commit to Another](https://www.elazarbloom.com/to-commit-to-another/) - “And Abraham went as God spoke to him, and Lot went together with him”. The verse seems to be saying that if Lot would not have joined on his own, Abraham would not have brought him along on his journey to the land of Canaan. What was the reason for Abraham’s hesitation? 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Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries - [Your Bashert](https://www.elazarbloom.com/podcast/episode2/) - Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries - [Nurturing the Future](https://www.elazarbloom.com/podcast/episode3/) - lorem ipsum - [Compassionate Parenting](https://www.elazarbloom.com/podcast/episode4/) - It is a long established fact that a reader will be distracted by the readable content of a page when looking at its layout. The point of using Lorem Ipsum is that it has a more-or-less normal distribution of letters, as opposed to using 'Content here, content here', making it look like readable English. Many - [The First Lesson](https://www.elazarbloom.com/podcast/episode5/) - five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum - [Lesson Plan](https://www.elazarbloom.com/podcast/episode6/) - Lorem ipsum is dummy text ## Categories - [Uncategorized](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/uncategorized/) - [News](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/news/) - [Personal](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/personal/) - [Parenting](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/parenting/) - [Marriage](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/marriage/) - [Torah and Psychology](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/torah-and-psychology/) - [Parenting Parsha](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/parenting-parsha/) - [Education](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/education/) - [On Marriage](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/marriage-speaking/) - [On Parenting](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/parenting-speaking/) - [On Torah and Psychology](https://www.elazarbloom.com/category/torah-and-psychology-speaking/) - 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