My Child, My Report Card

In speaking with parents and more importantly, in being one myself, I think about pits that we all unintentionally fall into. I say, “fall into”, because most parents are really, really doing their darndest and still often find themselves stuck, feeling incompetent and incapable.
The pit most recently encountered is seeing my child as
My Report Card.
Kid is happy and thriving I’m getting straight A’s.
Kid is struggling and unhappy, D’s and F’s.
This is so natural and equally not helpful to both parents and children
So natural because parents automatically identify with their children. It is actually this symbiosis that initially helps parents care for their little ones.
Not helpful, because parent goes “offline” into her own self judgment and shame the moment the child needs her most – When he is struggling in some way.
Not helpful because parent tries to FIX him when there is not a problem, just a need for support, compassion and love.
Understandable, YES, Helpful, unfortunately, no.
My hope is that the more we talk about these pits along the way of this brave journey we will be able to support, not shame one another.