Looking Through the Window

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Looking through the window Recently, I was sitting on my back porch and as I glanced through the closed window, I watched my wife interacting with my children in the kitchen. They were not doing anything exceptional; typical family stuff - eating, talking, smiling; one of the kids was kind of just spacing out. Yet, my heart immediately became filled with such immense joy, compassion and gratitude. Funny…

Traumas of Pain and Pleasure

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Traumas of pain and pleasure Negative Trauma = Experiences that overwhelm one's system with PAIN. They cannot be processed as they happen and are therefore held down as condensed pockets of pain to be AVOIDED at all cost. Positive trauma = Experiences that overwhelm one's system with PLEASURE and are therefore held in constant awareness and CRAVED at all cost. Perhaps our psyches…

Guilt is Good?

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Guilt is a confusing for many of us. Some define it as an important human experience that can lead to personal growth and the deepening of relationships. Others see it as overwhelming and destructive. A force that inhibits their ability to engage meaningfully with life. Which is it? It can be both, but only one of them is healthy and useful. The unhealthy form becomes very obvious when you begin to…

Your Inner Nesting Doll

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Solving inner disturbances is less about problem solving and more about self expanding. It's about seeing the distress in its proper context. As that context expands, broadens and deepens, the issue does not need to go away, it is simply seen for what it is: Your earlier best attempt at living.

KNOW YOUR STYLE - How You Handle Stress WILL Affect Your Relationship

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What is your reaction to (emotional) stress? What is your partner's reaction to (emotional) stress? If you tend to turn UP the Volume to connect, feel seen and supported, while your partner's tendency is to turn DOWN the volume to maintain a status of "OK" and focus on solutions, then.... One of you will regularly feel NEGLECTED One of you will regularly feel ATTACKED One of you…

Stop Hitting Yourself

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Most people I have discussed this with admit that they have a pretty healthy inner voice that can be critical, judgmental and sometimes downright abusive. This voice developed very early as an adaptive strategy to a an unsettled environment. And life itself is unsettling. The more chaos there was in the environment, the greater the need for control and the stronger the voice. Consider: Would…

Emotional Infection - This is How it Happens

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A physical infection happens when something that shouldn't be there lodges itself in the body. When that happens there is irritation, inflammation and tenderness. Touch the infection and you will get a strong reaction.   An emotional infection happens when we experience a normal emotion (anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.) and OUR MIND TELLS OUR BODY that the emotion should not be there.…