Bubby's Relationship Wisdom #1

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"One Mother Accomplishes More than 100 Teachers" Like it or not, our first relationship is the most important one of our lifetime and everything that happens (or doesn't happen) in it will impact all subsequent relationships. This is not a sentence, it is just how things work. The more you accept it, understand it and become aware of the raw spots you own because of it, the better chance…

KNOW YOUR STYLE - How You Handle Stress WILL Affect Your Relationship

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What is your reaction to (emotional) stress? What is your partner's reaction to (emotional) stress? If you tend to turn UP the Volume to connect, feel seen and supported, while your partner's tendency is to turn DOWN the volume to maintain a status of "OK" and focus on solutions, then.... One of you will regularly feel NEGLECTED One of you will regularly feel ATTACKED One of you…

The Burden of Responsibility

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When God places Adam in the Garden to guard and serve it, the verse states: "And the Lord, God TOOK Adam and PLACED him in the Garden.." Apparently Adam did not want to go on his own. What was in the way? Was not the garden glorious? The answer our sages give is that Adam feared responsibility. Responsibility. Service. Sacrifice. Love. What if I fail? What if it's too much…

Stop Hitting Yourself

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Most people I have discussed this with admit that they have a pretty healthy inner voice that can be critical, judgmental and sometimes downright abusive. This voice developed very early as an adaptive strategy to a an unsettled environment. And life itself is unsettling. The more chaos there was in the environment, the greater the need for control and the stronger the voice. Consider: Would…

Why You Can't Smell the Flowers

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A possible reason why you aren’t happy. Well, you might be running from a bear. And if you are, it will be hard to stop and smell the flowers. Or notice anything else of grace and beauty. And there may not actually be any bear but if your nervous system is jammed in that setting, that is how it will seem. Work with your nervous system, learn how to reboot it…

Forgive (for) Yourself

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I often have trouble forgiving others because of what I experienced as a result of what they said or did to me. Nobody was there for me in that pain and I actually believed some of the "not good" I was feeling about myself in those moments. Not wanting to feel that, I would blame the other person as being a mean, insensitive, uncaring, selfish, etc. That was all I could do to protect myself, but…

Courage v. Ambition

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Courage is the willingness to show up and serve life, while accepting the inevitable pain and discomfort involved. Ambition is the need to prove that I am significant by what I can accomplish in life, avoiding pain and discomfort as much as possible. Courage is rooted in love and abundance. Ambition is rooted in fear and scarcity. Courage sees others as equals. Ambition sees others as…

Two of the Most Dangerous Words to Say to Your Child

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Two of the most dangerous words you can say to your child: "You're Special" They are dangerous not because they are a lie. They are dangerous because they can be about YOUR need to have a "special child". The burden the child then bears is one of "not enough". The fear that being his normal, imperfect, human self is not impressive enough. This costs him. Because against the burden…

Reflecting on My Parents' 50th Anniversary

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I spend many hours a week with loving, amazing, dedicated couples in pain. Why the heck did I choose this strange line of work? I used to think it was because of my own marriage. 18+ years of creating a relationship with my wife Rivkah that is so important to me that I want to help others experience the depth of meaning in that journey. I like to take credit for my accomplishments. Yesterday…

Emotional Infection - This is How it Happens

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A physical infection happens when something that shouldn't be there lodges itself in the body. When that happens there is irritation, inflammation and tenderness. Touch the infection and you will get a strong reaction.   An emotional infection happens when we experience a normal emotion (anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.) and OUR MIND TELLS OUR BODY that the emotion should not be there.…