Are You Avoiding Me?

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Yesterday a friend asked me if I was working on Tisha B'Av. I answered "no". I later thought about how nice it would be to work, or better yet, to sleep. To go unconscious and wake up Friday morning not having to worry about it until next Summer. What am I trying to avoid? It is not as if I have experienced the Temple or anything directly associated with it to feel the loss I am supposed…

My False Self

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One of the best metaphors I have heard for the "false self" we unknowingly come to inhabit is that of an espaliered tree. Espaliered trees are saplings that are made to grow into a desired shape. To make this happen, the soft, delicate branches of the developing tree are bent to a desired shape and then held in that position by wires or a trellis. New shoots that don't conform are pruned away. The…

4 Questions to Get to the Heart of Your Relationship Issues

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4 Questions to Get to the Heart of Your Relationship Issues: A deep, intimate relationship is a fountain; a natural source of energy, vitality and joy. We all enter this space seeking to be nourished. Q - Why am I not feeling nourished? The most common cause is that you are not being seen, heard and understood. Q - What might I be doing that makes it hard for me to be seen,…

The Integrated Turtle

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I had just finished an emotional session with an amazing young couple. Both of them, brave souls with trauma filled backgrounds. I went on a long run to reflect and release and then I saw this guy (pictured above). A thought occurred. That beautiful shell is the pain and the need to protect. The little head popping out, is the courageous willingness to risk for the possibility of deep vulnerable love…

Change as a Window to Abundance

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"If we fear change, we are blind to the abundance of life" - M. Nepo What aspect of life's abundance has this dramatic change brought you into contact with? If that abundance is hard to see, that may be because we have become so accustomed to looking in narrow, confined spaces for it. Funny enough, those narrow, confined spaces may be "out there" in the ever expanding world of our next moment's…

Lovers Facing Each Other and the Beyond

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Working with couples, the most significant shift I get the privilege of witnessing is when husband and wife turn to one another and share intimate emotional space. She may share her loneliness and how her angry attack is really a fearful, fear laden attempt to try and find him. He may share his fear of failing and disappointing her (again) and how withdrawing is his way of protecting himself and not…

The Sweetness of the Stinging Nettle - A Parenting Lesson

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These small plants commonly found along the Eastern seaboard can hurt. But if you carefully cut the nettle at its stem, it's insides serve as the perfect remedy. Pain is always best sweetened at its source. If you can slowly, gently enter and listen, it will share with you its secret of what is truly important. A mother gets angry at her four year old son Josh for not listening...again. She yells.…

Why You're So Hard on Yourself and What You Can Do About it

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“What’s wrong with you?” “Why are you so lazy?” “Look at how much better and more successful he is than you.” If these judgments were lodged at a child, we would be up in arms in defense of his dignity and her sense of self. And yet, we routinely file these evaluations and many others….against ourselves. If you are not familiar with the inner judge that I describe, good on you, stop…

Mother's Milk (Yitro)

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And G-d called to Moses from the mountain saying: 'This is what you shall tell the house of Jacob and relate to the Children of Israel'. (Exodus 19:3) The ‘house of Jacob’ refers to the Jewish women. (Rashi)   The offer to receive the Torah and become G-d’s nation went to the women first. Why? Because a mother is the conduit for a child’s identity and essence. Identity is the context…

The Illusion of Authoritarian Parenting (Vaera)

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  Aaron cast down his rod in the presence of Pharaoh….and it turned into a serpent… and the Egyptian magicians, in turn, did the same with their spells. (Exodus 7:10-11) Aaron was given the divine ability to turn his staff into a snake. The Egyptian sorcerers appeared to do the same with theirs. This is a great analogy for 2 parenting styles that seem to get the same results: Take a child…