Getting Married? You Need to Know This.

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A young couple on the precipice of getting married once asked me: “What is the most important thing that we need to know about marriage”? I love questions like this. It forces me to put aside the “techniques” and tools that are often the merchandise of a marital therapist and delve into my fundamental beliefs about the project of marriage, its foundation and purpose. To preface, in addressing…

Destined for Each Other?

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Were you and your spouse destined for each other? Does it even matter? Let’s try and answer these questions with another: What makes a marriage work? “Love"? Sorry, incorrect. “Respect”? Closer, but still not there. "Good chemistry"? Maybe to get things rolling, but not to make it for the long haul. The only answer that has proven true time and time again is: Commitment. Commitment…

Cover Up and Connect

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“And she lifted her eyes and saw Isaac....she descended from the camel….took the scarf and covered herself.” (Genesis 24:64-65) To understand the Torah’s approach to any given topic, the place to start is by analyzing the first instance that topic appears. So, Isaac and Rebecca, which is the Torah’s first description of a meeting between husband and wife can help us understand the Torah’s…

Your "Bashert" and Your Subconscious

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In my previous 2 posts on marriage, it was my goal to explore the relationship between the Imago model of marriage counseling and Torah. I would like to continue that theme here. A well known Talmudic dictum is that before conception a divine declaration is made that "so and so" is destined to marry "so and so". Taking this at face value has led to the traditional Jewish belief of a "bashert" (soul…

The Genesis of Couples Therapy - Part 2

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Last post we were left with a question but first a little background. Genesis tells us that the goal of marriage is for a man to leave his mother and father and attach himself to his wife. I proposed that Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), of which I am a strong proponent, finds its primary theoretical roots in this biblical source. Imago assumes that our subconscious is on a mission to find an intimate…

The Genesis of Couples Therapy

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The Torah uses very few words to say an awful lot. It's view on marriage is famously condensed into one brief verse: עַל־כֵּן֙ יַֽעֲזָב־אִ֔ישׁ אֶת־אָבִ֖יו וְאֶת־אִמּ֑וֹ וְדָבַ֣ק בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וְהָי֖וּ לְבָשָׂ֥ר אֶחָֽד׃ "Therefore, a man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, so that they…